"I wanna halve your babies." — King Solomon

— Elle Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) September 2, 2014

Waiter: welcome to Spaghetti Surprise

Me: 1 spaghetti please

Waiter: we don't sell that

Me: oh now I get the name

Waiter: surprise

— Nathan Usher (@thenatewolf) November 3, 2015

"Inspired by the True Story" is the "Made with Real Fruit Juice" of movies.

Follow me for even more useless yet correct statements!

— Jake Young (@BestJakeYoung) January 19, 2016

finish your salad. a thousand islands died to make that dressing.

— rachelle mandik (@rachelle_mandik) January 21, 2016

OH MY GOD I WAS TRYING TO SWAP OUR FACES BUT THE APP INCLUDED THE FACE OF THE SKULL ON THE TABLE AND NOW OMG pic.twitter.com/CMnrca0YVW

— Jessica (@ohjesly) January 22, 2016

Winter heard all the comment y'all made about how warm it's been. Winter heard y'all.

— Joshua Harris (@JoshHarris25) January 23, 2016

rare photo of banksy at work pic.twitter.com/TZWRANoyam

— Ben Cohen (@UniqueDude2) January 24, 2016

The whole "haha I care less than you about this so I'm somehow superior I win" mentality is ???

— Pucca 林 (ALA 207) (@PuccaNoodles) January 25, 2016

Let people be passionate about what they wanna be passionate about ok ✌

— Pucca 林 (ALA 207) (@PuccaNoodles) January 25, 2016