Dangerous Business

Today, I left my house for the first time in three weeks! Hallelujah! Josh and I ventured out to meet my family for lunch nearby (and, omg, it was so good to see them). I was nervous that I’d feel poorly, but other than some anxiety-nausea on the drive over, and a little stomach pain during lunch, it wasn’t too bad. I was exhausted after an hour and a half, but I survived, and it was worth it.

Leaving the house after being sick & bed-bound for weeks is sometimes scary for me; I’ve even had panic attacks about it in the past. I know this probably doesn’t make sense to some of you, but I’ve found that having such little control over the way my body feels, makes having no control over my surroundings overwhelming. Emotional logic, amirite? I realized today that I really identify with Hobbits and their homebody ways.. “It’s dangerous business, Frodo, going out your front door.” Except instead of a thinly-veiled thirst for adventure, I actually feel fear about not being at home. I’m Bilbo before Gandalf shows up. No, I’m one of the Hobbits in the background whose name doesn’t even matter because she never leaves The Shire.

But, like I said, this time it wasn’t so bad. I think my desire to see my parents before they left again for five weeks helped me push past my Hobbit tendencies. (Dad’s job is cool, but the constant traveling is definitely not cool. I miss them.)

I think getting to see my fam for a couple of hours and getting some fresh air did my mental health a lot of good, because I feel less sad than I did yesterday. I don’t want to jinx it, but I feel like I may be on the mend!

Happy Sunday, friends.

8 thoughts on “Dangerous Business

  1. Oh yes, I definitely noticed that as well: Conquering your fear and actually going outside/meeting people might seem exhausting in the beginning, but it slowly starts making you feel better and better. Maybe the problem/sickness, that made you stay inside will stay as it is, but your mental reaction to it changes a lot. And that is of so much worth!
    I need to catch up on your blog and don’t know, why you had to stay home, but either way: don’t let this one time be the last for days. Try to go outside more often (of course, if it’s possible). Especially now, that everything is starting to bloom again, it is of so much worth 🙂
    All the best wishes from Germany

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve always liked to think of myself as a hobbit. If I lived in middle earth, I’d definitely want to live in the Shire! And I tend to agree with the whole going out your door philosophy.


  3. That’s awesome!! Definitely praying you continue to get well!! I’ve experienced this a lot with unstable health for the past year and a half, and it helps to know I’m not alone in that.


  4. Your dad is a Wycliffe translator? That is really great that he is into linguistics and such. I’m sorry he travels a lot. Your post was really well done with how you tied together your personality with hobbits! I call my husband a hobbit because he’s an introvert, is shorter than I, and has hairy feet, oh and when he had long hair in ’02-’05 he got “You look like Frodo Baggins” a lot. He’s my hobbit and I’m his elf. Anyway, I can see how he relates to this since I am okay with his introvertedness and social anxiety issues. Yesterday I took him to an event for my anti-trafficking organization and he silently played card games for 4 hours behind me on the floor with our sons and that is okay!

    I am glad you were able to get out the bit that you did even it if was a bit tough to do. I am glad that your nausea didn’t cause too much on you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • My Dad isn’t actually a translator for Wycliffe; he works for Wycliffe’s fundraising organization, Wycliffe Associates. He organizes and hosts fundraising events in the upper-mid region of the US. So when he’s on tour, he’s driving through those states either meeting with volunteers and hammering out details (the first four weeks of tour) or hosting a banquet almost every night (which is what they’re doing for the next five weeks). There is a translator who travels with them and speaks at the events during the banquet portion of the tour. 🙂


  5. Hi Kelli! This is my first time commenting on your blog but I’ve been a long time “lurker”. I really relate to a lot of what you are saying about your struggles with your health. 5 years ago I was diagnosed with something called dysautonomia, postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome- and then a year ago I found out I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. Which is causing my other issues and I will have for the rest of my earthly life. Lately I’ve been struggling emotionally because I feel so isolated from the rest of the world- I’m not able to get out and do a lot- and I’m tired of seeing everything through a lens tainted by my conditions. I want to try to do more but when I can’t control my surroundings, like you mentioned….I really struggle with that. Its scary not having control. SO, all that to say…. I just really relate to what you’re saying and I appreciate your honesty. It’s hard to be transparent about! Sarah B


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