GOD: there, my first animal 🙂
SNAKE:youre not done right? How am I supposed to move?
G:like this*shimmies*
S:
G:just kinda*shimmies*
S:dude

— tater tot bros (@thetits) February 8, 2016

My house looks like I'm losing a game of Jumanji.

— Li'l Edie Pentland (@JennyPentland) October 9, 2014

GENIE: u get 3 wishes
ME: i wish for more wishes
GENIE: u cant
ME: i wish for more…genies
GENIE: [tears form] i… i thougt i was special to u

— jomny sun (@jonnysun) April 6, 2016

LISTEN UP, MEN: Just because I'm wearing liquid eyeliner and dark purple lipstick does NOT mean I'll help you hack the Pentagon. #SMDH

— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) April 6, 2016

so if i eat a ton of purple carrots do i turn purple

— Jordan Taylor (@Messy_Jordan) April 7, 2016

two roads diverged in a wood and I
I took the one that goes back indoors because that's where Netflix is
& that has made all the difference

— emHERy lord (@emerylord) April 7, 2016

I didn't think u started the fire until u wrote a whole friggin song about it

— oh boy official (@UniqueDude2) April 7, 2016

Boy, if I could rearrange the keyboard, I'd put space between U and I

— Elle Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) April 8, 2016

Female space spies? Star Wars was never about this!

[opening scene of A New Hope]

A woman is captured for being a space spy.

— Dave Cheng (@drearyclocks) April 8, 2016

scrolling through Facebook never fails to cheer me up! https://t.co/gzFvK5xYw5

— Adler Davidson (@adlerdavidson) April 10, 2016

as a kid the fantasy that appealed to me most in books was when a character was asleep "when their head hit the pillow"

— Alice Bolin (@alicebolin) April 10, 2016