Josh was in New York City for a couple days with Jordan for a video that YouTube invited Blimey Cow to be a part of. They got to do a little sightseeing, eat a little food, unexpectedly meet a friend from twitter – it was a really cool experience for them! They got home today, and I’m wishing that I’d already fulfilled my blogging duties before they got home because I’d rather be hanging out with Josh, haha. But I do have a couple things on my mind.
I wanted to thank everyone for your kind words and condolences. Before sharing about Lulu, I braced myself to receive at least a few insensitive comments or questions. But not one person has reacted with anything but sympathy. I’m truly touched.
Losing Lulu is still a dark cloud over us.. I don’t doubt that it will be for a while.. I got really sick because of all the stress & sadness. I’ve been mostly curled up in bed since Sunday. But today I am feeling a little better. I tidied around the house a little, and I rallied up enough energy to go over to the Taylor’s for dinner tonight, too. It was nice to see everyone after being alone in the house for a few days (I’d made plans while Josh was gone so I wouldn’t be alone the WHOLE time, but I got a migraine right before I was supposed to leave.. yucky timing!).
Oh, I broke my yoga-every-day streak, which I am bummed about. I had gotten all the way up to 50 consecutive days of yoga! Oh well. I’ll get to 50 again.. and beyond 😉
Being so intensely, physically affected by emotional distress makes me feel a little like one of those “hysterical women” from Victorian times that you read about. The women who were prescribed tranquilizers or thrown into mental hospitals for feeling too loudly. We look back on these women with pity because the medical system mismanaged them, but I also think we look back on them with a little bit of judgment, or a sense that they kinda were being silly. Why couldn’t they control their emotions? Obviously, my situation is different because it’s not like I’m wringing my hands and wailing all the way to the mental hospital.
Maybe I identify more with the silly mothers in Jane Austen novels who need their vapors at the smallest little provocation. “How can you tease me so? Have you no compassion for my poor nerves?” This is what I worry I come across as. This is what I worry I am. Why can’t I control my emotions? Why can’t I keep my body from reacting so strongly to stress (or sadness, or excitement)? Am I a drama queen who overreacts? What if I just try harder? HOW do I even begin to try harder? I already focus on being intentionally optimistic and positive, always looking for the bright side, or at least looking for hope. I don’t always find it, but I’ve always felt like the act of looking for it is the important part. I don’t know. I don’t want to have a Crohn’s flare-up every time I get overwhelmed. I don’t want to just be numb, either. I’ve been that. It’s not better. Not even physically.
I didn’t mean for this to become all “The Effects of Emotions In A Woman With Autoimmune Disease, by Kelli Taylor.” Haha. Maybe some of you relate to what I’ve written.. Probably most of you don’t. Maybe it will give you a little insight or compassion for those people in your life who are struggling with their health. Or maybe not. I don’t really have an answer or a conclusion, but I’m gonna go hang out with my husband now. I’ve already taken too much time fleshing out these ideas as it is.. I think he is getting bored waiting on me, haha.
I’m so glad he is home! I missed him a lot!!!
See y’all tomorrow.