Crazy how people more successful than me are lucky and people less successful than me haven't worked as hard

— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) April 10, 2015

[plant facts!!]
bananas are technically berries
almonds are seeds
avocados are mammals
most cucumbers are haunted
potatoes aren't even real

— dream ghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) August 2, 2016

Can't sleep
nightmares again
those four are only the teletubbies we know about
there've gotta be others somewhere
Right?

— Garrett Werner (@gr8whitehoprah) August 4, 2016

NIETZSTCHE: god is dead
GOD: finaly
[god dies]
GOD: [welcoming god into heaven] wait wat

— jomny sun (@jonnysun) August 5, 2016

When nobody offers you a Tootsie Pop™ pic.twitter.com/PYaBKnO7GY

— Yael (@elle91) August 5, 2016

FOUNDER OF HOGWARTS: okay, so we all know there are four types of kid. brave, smart, evil and miscellaneous.
SCHOOL BOARD: yes, continue.

— Carl Kinsella (@TVsCarlKinsella) August 6, 2016

#FirstSevenJobs
I. Kid on sand planet
II. Apprentice
III. Jedi
IV. Kid on sand planet
V. Apprentice
VI. Jedi
VII. Kid on sand planet

— Adam McCabe (@AdamSMcCabe) August 7, 2016

#first7jobs
Bastard
Orphan
Son of a Whore and a Scotsman
In Charge of a Trading Charter
Hero
Scholar
$10 Founding Father

— Jessamyn Leigh (@gingernifty) August 7, 2016

Swimmer Hannah Miley?? Sounds like someone who has the best of both worlds if you know what I'm saying #RiOlympics

— Jessamyn Leigh (@gingernifty) August 7, 2016

going through the desert?

name 👏 your 👏 horse 👏 first

— bog dad classic™ (@AynRandy) August 7, 2016

Me loving a song at 20: This speaks to my soul & expresses my deepest feelings.
At 40: This product effectively serves its target audience.

— rap game Bodhi Rook (@anildash) August 7, 2016

I can watch true crime all day without getting upset, but do not tell me about a dog that died peacefully after a long happy life

— Allegra Thanksgingo (@allegraringo) August 8, 2016