I’m sad today. I’m not feeling sick anymore (YAY) but emotionally, I’m just.. blue. It’s times like these that I have to remind myself that sadness is okay. I don’t have to be happy all the time. I don’t have to find a silver lining every time I’m feeling down.
I’m not saying that I want to wallow, but I also don’t want to deny the feelings that I am feeling! Does that make sense? I don’t know. I’m just sad.
I don’t know how to talk about what’s going on with mom and her dementia. I don’t want to talk about specific details, because it feels unkind to publicly tell stories about the ways in which she’s struggling. I wouldn’t want anyone writing publicly about my medical issues without my consent! So I can only talk about the ways it affects me. And it does affect me. I got choked up at Family Lunch in the middle of a restaurant today – I tried to hide it (and I don’t think my mom noticed) but it took me a few minutes to compose myself. Then I came home and had a good cry.
It’s just not fair.
Interesting self realization: maybe I like Murder, She Wrote so much because it features an older woman (about ten years older than my mom) who is very active and has great deductive reasoning skills.. Isn’t that silly? You’d think it would make me sad. I think it kind of does, now that I’ve made that connection, haha. But also, it’s comforting? For some reason? I don’t know. Whatever the reason, I certainly adore Angela Lansbury! I’ve got MSW on in the background right now!
I don’t know how to end this post, but I do feel lighter for writing it. Maybe that’s my silver lining.. See y’all tomorrow.