Blue

I’m sad today. I’m not feeling sick anymore (YAY) but emotionally, I’m just.. blue. It’s times like these that I have to remind myself that sadness is okay. I don’t have to be happy all the time. I don’t have to find a silver lining every time I’m feeling down.

I’m not saying that I want to wallow, but I also don’t want to deny the feelings that I am feeling! Does that make sense? I don’t know. I’m just sad.

I don’t know how to talk about what’s going on with mom and her dementia. I don’t want to talk about specific details, because it feels unkind to publicly tell stories about the ways in which she’s struggling. I wouldn’t want anyone writing publicly about my medical issues without my consent! So I can only talk about the ways it affects me. And it does affect me. I got choked up at Family Lunch in the middle of a restaurant today – I tried to hide it (and I don’t think my mom noticed) but it took me a few minutes to compose myself. Then I came home and had a good cry.

It’s just not fair.

Interesting self realization: maybe I like Murder, She Wrote so much because it features an older woman (about ten years older than my mom) who is very active and has great deductive reasoning skills.. Isn’t that silly? You’d think it would make me sad. I think it kind of does, now that I’ve made that connection, haha. But also, it’s comforting? For some reason? I don’t know. Whatever the reason, I certainly adore Angela Lansbury! I’ve got MSW on in the background right now!

I don’t know how to end this post, but I do feel lighter for writing it. Maybe that’s my silver lining..  See y’all tomorrow.

12 thoughts on “Blue

  1. ❤ I won't say I'm sorry because it feels particularly useless in this instance, so I'll just say: I'm feeling blue, too. But it'll make the next bright-yellow-sunflower-cheerful day that either of us gets to experience all the better. Prayers for you and your sweet mama and family.

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  2. Unfortunately sometimes having a good cry is all you can do. I certainly felt that way watching my dad slip away from cancer. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through and I can only imagine what it’s like when the issue is more mental. I started writing this wanting to offer some comfort, but unfortunately there’s really nothing I can say to make it better. The best I can do is to pray for you.

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  3. Thank you for sharing your feelings. I feel the same way sometimes. I feel like I just need to let out all of my sorrow so that the next day can be happier for me. Although I try to be happy and positive all the time, I can’t always accomplish being happy all the time. I guess that maybe I should remind myself that it is okay to have some feelings sometimes. Thank you so much for this post. It was comforting!

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  4. I just came out of a “blue” spell. I think the biggest comfort for those sad moments is remembering God has a plan and that someday there will be no more pain or suffering. There will be Jesus and a happiness that will never fade. Life definitely hits us with unfair circumstances, but God will turn the heartache around for good. It’s hard to see when your heart is breaking, but it’s the truth. I hope your spirits are lifted during this trying time, and that God blesses you and your family in mighty ways:)

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  5. I am so glad you share honestly your journey. It is encouraging to me to know that this is all part of the human journey- I am a mum on the other side of the world who must have found your blog through Blimey Cow website- even though we are at different life stages I often relate to things you say. I am sad in a happy sort of way today as I contemplate my children growing up, finding partners leaving home etc. All good and exciting things but change always brings reflection and some sense of loss with it too.Anyway I just want to encourage you that some random person on the other side of the world often reads your posts and gains insight from them and is grateful for your posts( and I don’t really read other blogs so it’s not a usual thing for me to do). I will continue to pray for you and be thankful for the impact you have.

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  6. Kelli you can be blue from time to time. I like you don’t understand why such a Godly woman like your Mom is going thru this. She has so much wisdom and has served The Lord with her whole being. I pray daily for Phyllis, Stan and you, Josh and Alex. Know that many are praying. I pray you have a better week sweet girl.

    Love The Feeners
    Peggy

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  7. Pingback: Currently (or: trying for balance) – currentlykelli

  8. Feeling blue can be a good things at times. Maybe I am blue too much, but I think it helps us grow and develop better and understand ourselves and others better.

    I am sorry that you are going through such a tough time. May your “blue period” be brief.

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  9. Hi sweet Kelli. I know about how you feel. My mom has Alzheimer’s. It’s just sad… Trying to take 1 day at a time. God bless you and yours.

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