If I learned anything from Peter Pan, it's that I can leave my dog to watch my kids while I go out and party.
— Max Miller (@RuinMyWeek) October 13, 2011
Me: I know you from somewhere
Jesus: I get that a lot
Me: no I'm sure
Jesus: just one of those faces
Me: [holding arms out] go like this
— Nathan Usher (@thenatewolf) October 26, 2015
140 character limit? This seems like the place to debate complicated political & social issues
— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) September 13, 2015
To teach my kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.
They picked pizza
Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) July 16, 2016
"Everyone criticizes in others what they hate about themselves," is a thing I say about other people because it's true of me.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) September 10, 2016
During class attendance, the teach called for "ANGELICA." I couldn't resist singing "ELIZA!!"
— Brandon Swofford (@bswoffs) September 12, 2016
cat: hey. hey. HEY. i'd like some atention please
cat: please leave me alone.
— jomny sun (@jonnysun) September 13, 2016
*sitting with a computer on my lap and phone in hand; browsing both simultaneously*
me: ugh, I'm so bored
— Adler Davidson (@adlerdavidson) September 13, 2016