Gosh Darn It

Last week’s goals:

1. Walk the neighborhood at least four times: B
I walked 3 times

3. Make appointments: F
Gosh darn it. I’m really frustrated with myself for putting this off so long, but I’m also really scared of starting the process of choosing a new doctor. I haven’t been sleeping well because my mind races with possible scenarios and past bad experiences. I don’t know how to explain my anxiety about this. I’ve just had a lot of bad experiences, and I’m anticipating some unavoidable bad experiences whenever I finally get this process started.

3. Go to bed early every night: F

4. 2-in-1 week: A-
We did double the video shoots even on a week that Josh was out of town for a couple days, but I’m taking points off for my attitude – I was admittedly pretty grumpy about it all.

This week’s goals:

1. Walk the neighborhood at least three times
I’m scaling it back to three again because I can tell I’m getting sick and three is more manageable than four.

2. Make appointments
I want to take this out of my weekly goals, but I’m trying to be accountable here. This is something I need to do, no matter how afraid I am. Geez. Y’all pray for me, please.

3. Take care of myself
I feel like I probably have a Crohn’s flare-up coming on – likely triggered by my lack of sleep, stress about the new dog, stress about going to the doctor, and recent poor food choices. This week I need to be proactive with my food choices, sleep hours, and activity levels.


14 thoughts on “Gosh Darn It

  1. I’ll definitely be praying that you can make those appointments! I have anxiety about doctors too. I had to go to the dermatologist last week and I was DREADING it. Thankfully it was someone my mom had worked with before, so I knew she would be nice, but I was still nervous. It ended up being totally fine. Do you have any friends who could recommend someone? I’m sure you’ve already thought of that, but it makes it easier for me when I know I’m going to someone I can trust. I’ll be praying that you can find the doctors you need, make the appointments when you want them, and that they would go well! Sending you love from Georgia!


    • I do have a couple of recommended doctors to try, and you’re right-that does make it at least a little less daunting. Thanks for the prayer, I need it!


  2. I’m terrible about Doctor decisions. Probably because it’s so hard to find a good one that cares and will work with you, making an appointment feels like an exercise in futility. I’m also terrible about going to bed. I’ve always been a night owl (all of my creative juices start flowing around 8pm), but a recent chronic pain flare had me staying up until 5-6am, because I felt terrible that my tossing and turning was affecting my husband’s sleep. Four months post-flare, I’m still struggling to get to bed before 4am any given night (morning) because I’ve gotten a little too comfortable with the peace and quiet I get from midnight on. I’m making myself do the “21 Day Go To Bed Challenge” with the measly goal of my head on the pillow by 2am. If I can get that under my belt, I’ll do it again and shoot for midnight. (Not my blog, but if you’re interested in the challenge, it’s on the Red&Honey blog or this link http://el2.convertkit-mail.com/c/lmug85ln7c6uzo22/ly60ym/aHR0cDovL2JpdC5seS8xbVlwZlNR )

    I’ll keep you in my prayers, and hope that you can proactively head off a Crohns flare.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I do not have Crohns but I have central nervous sistom vasculitis. I know cnsv is hard I can only imagine how bad Crohns is. I am in remission! I know you will be able to do it.
    I will keep you in my prayers.


  4. I think jmmatlock said my sentiments perfectly. Finding a good doctor that will work with you is something I’ve been struggling with the past couple of years. I was diagnosed with diabetes a year or so ago, and before that, I wasn’t seeing a doctor regularly. The first one I was referred to was knowledgeable about diabetes, but our personalities didn’t mesh, and she kept pressuring me to do certain things, like flu shots, that repeatedly told her I didn’t want. My new doctor is much more laid back (almost too much), but she doesn’t pressure me like the last one. I have to constantly remind myself that I’m paying for the doctor’s services and therefore she works for me, not the other way around. It’s still stressful, though. I hate calling and making appointments with any doctor, so I feel you, but still cheering you on!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ugh! I hear you on the doctor anxiety. I have severe PTSD due to medical trauma I experienced as a child and it. sucks. I’ve recently been going to a doctor (just to talk and get comfortable with her before we move forward…even that is a huge step for me!), and I think one of the things that has brought me a lot of comfort is telling myself that if anyone tries to force something onto me (ie: certain kinds of exams, rude behavior, treating me without dignity, etc.) then I WILL walk out. It’s been difficult for me to realize that I’m an adult now, and I do have that kind of control in those situations.

    I will absolutely be praying for you as you try to move forward with this. I pray that you’ll find *exactly* the right practitioners who will partner with you in your health journey, people who will take the time to listen to and understand your concerns, people who will treat you with dignity and patience and kindness, and who will genuinely care about you as a person and about your health goals. Much love and many prayers, Kelli. You aren’t alone in this. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much. Your perspective makes me feel better about moving forward.. you’re right, I can just leave if I’m not comfortable. It’s still scary, but maybe that will help me feel more in control of the situation. Also, it’s nice to know I’m not alone. Thanks.


  6. Kelli, I will definitely be praying for you this week. I also want to thank you for your blogs…they always really encourage me and you inspired me to write my own goals. I made it more long term for my semester rather than weekly, but setting clear goals and ways to complete them has really made my semester to much more smoothly. It all started with your blog! Thanks again and I know you can get those appointments made. You will be in my prayers 🙂


    • Thank you for the encouragement! I’m glad that you were inspired to write out your goals and you’re finding success with that 🙂 Thanks for praying, too.


  7. Pingback: Preemptive Therapy – currentlykelli

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