The last few days have been an emotional roller coaster.
I spent the first half of Monday psyching myself out about my doctor’s appointment. I was nervous about going back to see a doctor after four years’ absence, but it was one of the better medical experiences I’ve had. They took me seriously, weren’t overly invasive, and listened to what I wanted without second guessing me. I walked out with what I’d gone in for: a referral to the gastroenterologist I’d like to try. Now I just have to wait and hope she’ll take me. There’s chance I won’t get in, at which point I’ll try the next recommended GI on my list. The system is frustrating but I guess I understand why it’s set up the way it is. I’m really hoping I can get in to see my first choice.. We’ll see! Anyway, after my appointment I felt a profound sense of relief. There’s certainly more unpleasantness to come (GI treatment is inherently invasive) but I was proud of myself for finally getting the process started.
Tuesday was kind of the opposite: I spent the first half looking forward to an informal nutrition consultation that actually ended up making me pretty anxious and overwhelmed for several hours after. As a person with a digestive disease, I have such a complicated relationship with food (I mean, who doesn’t though, right?). I’m not anxious or overwhelmed about the consultation anymore – it was actually very helpful – I just needed a few hours to wrap my head around the new plan. Once I figured out where my anxiety was coming from, I was able to be a little more objective and see the overall good in the consultant’s suggestions.
Today has been a strange limbo between exhaustion and an inability to sleep it away. Last night I tossed and turned so much that I only got a little over 3 hours of sleep – but even that was fitful. I remember having three distinct stress dreams, so I’m wondering if I had a low grade fever? The dreams were consistent with past fever dreams, and I did feel unusually warm, so that’s probably what it was. I tried to get some sleep all day, but it didn’t happen for me until about 5pm.. I felt better after my short nap, but I’m still looking forward to sleep tonight. Here’s hoping I won’t have any trouble sleeping and tomorrow I’ll wake up feeling refreshed.
So that’s an overly detailed look at my week so far. The second half of the week should be less *~dramatic~* and more celebratory because good friends are getting married this weekend! YAY!
I hope you’re all having a nice week so far. See y’all tomorrow.