Salmon shorts are high in omega 3 fratty acids
— festive V cardholder (@lil_aracuan) August 20, 2012
I was trying to Google why this dog I'm watching pants so much and now it doesn't even matter pic.twitter.com/rJFgSsCwTO
— Yael (@elle91) August 8, 2016
Cinderella is a story about a woman who cleans up good who cleans up good.
— Elle Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) May 10, 2015
aruba, jamaica / oooh, i wanna take ya
atlanta, las vegas/ uhhh that's lots of places
vienna, then florence/ baaabe i can't afford this
— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) October 11, 2016
what doesn't kill you actually tends to leave you grieving or with ptsd
— David Bazan (@davidbazan) October 12, 2016
And God said "Let there be light…
…on the ends and then dark roots."
-God getting an Ombré.
— Rusty Clanton (@rustyclanton) October 12, 2016
This is what the electoral map would look like if only dogs voted pic.twitter.com/jHzzmg4NG9
— 💀JESSIE💀 (@NicCageMatch) October 13, 2016
If I were Maggie May, I'd be so pissed Rod Stewart woke me up because he ~*thinks*~ he might have something to say to me.
— Molly Priddy (@mollypriddy) October 13, 2016
ALEX TREBEK: our next dumb idiot is from new york
ME: did u just call me a dumb idiot
ALEX TREBEK: moving on to our returning champion
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) October 13, 2016
"GOODBYE FOREVER!!!" – Me
"OH AND ALSO, ONE OTHER THING" – Also Me
— Lynn Bixenspan (@lynnbixenspan) October 15, 2016
I can't believe people still hold these backward views in 2016. Did we learn nothing from the 2004 Sandra Bullock film Crash?
— Anna Fitzpatrick (@bananafitz) October 15, 2016
BEN AFFLECK: I'm directing a new movie and I was thinking about you for the lead role
BEN AFFLECK: Well I'm obviously very flattered
— Elle Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) October 15, 2016
It's sad that spiders have so many arms and never use them for hugging
— Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist) October 16, 2016
Guys there has been some sort of mistake… the sample ballot they sent in the mail says there are more than 2 people running for president?
— Josh Taylor (@dearfuturejosh) October 16, 2016
me as a father: ok kids, time for a bedtime story!!
*forces children to watch my snap story*
— Adler Davidson (@adlerdavidson) October 16, 2016
Every generation has its own slang… pic.twitter.com/8Thasi0U0p
— Jennifer Nycz (@jennycz) October 17, 2016
Me: *getting ready* I hope I'm not applying my makeup in a masculine, heretical way…good thing I have this GREAT POST to keep me in check. pic.twitter.com/zGpeLdRT5w
— Maeve (@SarahTacos) October 17, 2016
Growing up means realizing Mr. Whittaker wasn't always right.
— melanie anne ahern (@mel0n_knee) October 17, 2016