Can I be real with y’all for a second? Lately, I feel worn out and worn down; swinging between sad and apathetic. As much as I love the Fall, this year I can feel that the early evenings are having a stronger effect on me than they have in years past. Have any of you had good experiences with those SAD lamps? Everything I’ve read is that they’re really helpful for seasonal depression, but I am skeptical that it would work for me. Like, I believe other people when they say it helps them, but.. I don’t know.
Then again, it might not be related to the sun at all. I felt this way a lot during the summer, too.
On a similar note: I’m disappointed that I went through all the stress of getting that initial doctor’s appointment, only to have to wait three months before I can go see the specialist. It feels like I’m wasting time, letting things get worse.. I’ve been wasting time out of fear for so long (and it was so emotionally difficult for me to even make the first steps) that it feels so frustrating to be stagnant again when I can’t do anything about it. I mean.. I can focus on being as healthy as I possibly can be.. but my body is not “normal” – I can affect my health by creating good habits that give my body a better chance of thriving, but I can’t control it in the way that healthy people can. Normal healthy-person rules don’t apply to me. And even when I find things that do seem to work, eventually they don’t anymore. It feels like a constant guessing game. It’s annoying!
Alright, that’s enough whining. See y’all tomorrow – hopefully things will feel brighter in the morning.