No way I'm letting this doctor do surgery on me. He can't even turn a tap off with his hands.
— Kat Meringue (@Izianikapani) March 8, 2015
Watching the debate tonight is basically the same as watching your least favorite movie of all-time to make sure that you still hate it.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 19, 2016
This is Lucy. She destroyed not one, but two remotes trying to turn off the debate. 11/10 relatable af pic.twitter.com/3BXh073tDm
— WeRateDogs™ (@dog_rates) October 20, 2016
Saw a picture of Macaulay Culkin with a beard. He probably grew it so he doesn't have to use after shave.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) October 20, 2016
Why is the first instinct to go back in time and kill baby Hitler? Why not take him out of Germany and put him in a good home or something??
— Blake Baggott (@blakebaggott) October 20, 2016
Seems like a circuitous route to say Tyler Perry's sisters pic.twitter.com/Mu19mLD2WN
— Elle Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) October 20, 2016
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words typically keep me up until about 3am.
— Tim Federle (@TimFederle) October 22, 2016
(What is Hamilton?)
listen, idk, there's history and singing and rapping and by the end you have a crush on literally everyone
— emHERy lord (@emerylord) October 22, 2016
Fruit bats hanging upside down look like a 90s boy band pic.twitter.com/1vufyV1shs
— Rup Walker (@rupinjapan) October 23, 2016
centaur feels terrible, doesn't know if he needs a doctor or a vet
— village fetish (@botandy) October 24, 2016
HER: So do you prefer cats or dogs?
ME: *scanning the menu* I don't even see them on here. What page are you on?
— Floyd (@dafloydsta) October 24, 2016