Therapy Session

Days like today make me regret this daily blogging project, because I don’t really know what to say on days like today. I went to bed before the election results were called, but I woke up in the middle of the night and I couldn’t believe the outcome! I wasn’t thrilled about either candidate, but I’d kinda braced myself for dealing with who I thought would win. I truly didn’t expect this result and so I’m having trouble imagining what the next four years might look like for this country.

My reaction makes it clear to me that my trust is misplaced. I need to spend some time recentering and reminding myself who is in control.

I hesitate to share all this publically, because I have dear family and friends on both sides of yesterday’s election results. I’m not trying to draw a line between myself and anyone else. It’s hard to witness such anger and vitriol being slung around online as a result of the election.. among friends! Among family members! I decided pretty quickly this morning that I wasn’t going to participate today, not even as an observer. So I’ve spent the day away from the internet completely. I even deleted my twitter and facebook apps from my phone. (WHAT?? NO!) (Yes, it’s true.) I’ll come back when I’m not so depressed about the whole thing. (That’s allowed, by the way. If you find yourself overwhelmed, you can turn it off without any guilt.)

I woke up this morning feeling terrible not only because of the election but also because yesterday was personally difficult for me.. my body reacted to all the stress with an anxiety hangover that’s left me still feeling pretty rough.

Yesterday’s appointment was my first time to see a gastroenterologist in four years. I haven’t seen a specialist regularly in probably eight years. As someone with Crohn’s disease, I should’ve never stopped going! I should’ve never let all the bad experiences I’ve had with arrogant, condescending, dismissive, and physically rough doctors keep me from searching until I found a doctor who was kind and gentle and actually cared about me. I mean, that’s not too much to ask, is it? I used to think it was. But, like my new doctor said to me yesterday, “This is America! You’re not stuck with a doctor you don’t like just because you walked into their office.” By the way, she was wonderful. I couldn’t believe how good I felt walking out of her office.. even after she’d given me bad news!

Yes, bad news. I expected it, so I had already dealt with most of my feelings (which was a good thing because we ended up needing to stick around so they could run a couple tests on me. That would’ve been harder if I’d been a blubbering mess). The short story is this: I need surgery, and soon. I’m meeting a surgeon in a couple weeks, and I’ll probably spend this holiday season recovering (assuming he can fit me into his schedule before the end of the year). It’ll likely be a simple, outpatient procedure, but it’ll definitely be a really rough recovery. I had to go through a similar surgery four years ago, and oh my word… the weeks following were awful. I don’t rememember much, but I do remember lots of pain, lots of drug-induced sleeping, and lots of crying.

I wonder if I am I being too open? I don’t really know what to say about it all. I’ve been open so far about telling y’all when I have doctor’s appointments and when I’m not feeling well. I don’t want to share every little detail, but I do want y’all praying for me, haha.

My parents got back from their last-ever work tour today. Dad switched jobs within the company so that he and Mom wouldn’t have to travel so much anymore. The tours are really hard on Mom. I am thrilled that she doesn’t have to do that anymore. It’s complicated, of course.. I LOVE having my parents in town, but when they’re in town I’m acutely aware of how much I’m NOT helping out. How unreliable I am because of my health. Honestly, this is a big motivator in getting myself back into a medical doctor’s care. If I can get my health under control, I can be a better support to the people around me – not just mom and dad, but everyone.

This post feels like a therapy session, haha. Hope you enjoyed this peek into my brain. Hope you’re finding some personal peace in the midst of a chaotic time. Let’s all be kind to each other, can we please?

17 thoughts on “Therapy Session

  1. Hey Kelli! Thank you for this post!! It’s really nice to read this today. I’m praying for you and your upcoming surgery. I can relate to your experiences– I need to step away from social media for now, and my father went through a lot with Ulcerative Colitis when I was younger, so the process you’re describing is familiar. Thank you for sharing, I hope it was therapeutic for you πŸ™‚ Have a great week!


  2. Been “away” a bit myself. I don’t personally know very many people who were 100% confident or happy about who to vote for in the first place, but even in the uncertainty, many of them had unkind words for the people who disagreed with them. I’ve been very surprised by the way most people have reacted.

    I’m so happy for you finding what sounds like a great doctor! And I’m sorry that you have a procedure that you’re not looking forward to. :-/ I’ll be praying for peace of mind and for everything to go smoothly.


  3. Kelli, your new doctor sounds amazing and I will be praying for your surgery and recovery. Your words are impressively peaceful and wise, I must say.


  4. Kelli, thank you for this post. I love hearing about how you are doing even if it’s hard stuff…I will definitely be praying for you. I was totally the same way today with all the election stuff and just disconnected myself. That ended up being a really good thing though because it allowed me more time to study for an upcoming exam πŸ™‚ Like you said, it’s so imprtant to remember who is in control…isn’t that so comforting to know that He has got it all in his hands? I hope your surgery goes well…I will be praying for the least amount of side effets/post op discomfort. Thanks again for sharing πŸ™‚


  5. Your post title made me think of the album Therapy Session by NF. Anyway, praying for a complete and miraculous healing. I believe it is possible.


  6. I deleted my FB app today too! Thank you for being so open, by the way. I’m a nurse…so to me there’s basically no such thing as TMI! It’ll help me pray more specifically for you. You’re on my prayer dry-erase board πŸ™‚


  7. You’ve got my prayers girl:) Thanks so much for sharing parts of your life with us. I hope everything works out for you and your family. I really like what you said about reminding yourself who is in control. I have to remember that too. I reacted in fear at the election results. Dealing with uncertainty about the future isn’t one of my real strong points. But if we remember that God has a plan to prosper His children, to give us hope and a future, we can heave a sigh of relief. We don’t have to get swept up in all the political rigmarole breeding anxiety in our country. Much love ❀


  8. I too have family and friends who vote for all different spectrums. You know my stance from my tweets, I’m sure. I am very into trying to keep the peace between it all and have found that some of my family members are gloating and making fun of “whiny kids” instead of being understanding and kind towards them. One of them said nothing all election season and now they are going all out. It saddens me. I see a huge sense of hopelessness in some of my friends from the outcome of the election, so I have tried to comfort them. It is nice being a neutral person through it all who doesn’t have fear over who is or isn’t a leader. I can see though how they would be so upset and I see their broken hearts. I truly want to show love to all.

    As someone who is naturally very open, it is actually really nice to see you opening up this way, though I know you have a pretty large following, so that could be a little scary! I hope that you have a good operation and recovery and that your anxiety and fears are calmed by God. I’m praying for your emotions and health!

    I’m so with you about wanting to be kind to one another. I see a lot of love in this world despite all the hatred that exists. I see people who want to love and be kind which is beautiful!

    I am glad that your mom gets to relax now that the tours are done for your dad’s job. Is that going to be hard for him to adjust to? I am sure he is willing though. He seems like a kind supporter of your mom.


  9. Isn’t that what a lot of writing is, a therapy session? Kelli, you are a trooper through everything. Good idea to turn off social media if it’s affecting you. The machine (or feed) doesn’t care about your health; it rolls on regardless. I rarely comment on your blog, but I read a lot of what you write on Bloglovin’ (yes, I am using the site – and now app – through your recommendation!). I am so glad for you in finding what needs to be done for your sickness, as well as being in a good place to move forward with it. Getting a good doctor must have been such a blessing!
    In terms of being open about personal things, I must admit I’ve always wondered how you and Josh and Jordan all are so open, especially in our Facebook group. I remember I chatted with you all about this in a Skype call we had years back. Thanks for being open – it takes courage.
    Anyways…I’ll keep reading and enjoying your posts – I do like your “Favorite Tweets” posts especially. I don’t often look at twitter and don’t use the app, so I value your work in finding the quality there.
    Note: I just remembered a post I wrote, in which I was a bit open. If you’d like to read it, here is the link:


  10. Hey Kelli, I’m one of those people who rarely comments, but I read almost every post. I agree with you: it saddened me more to see the hate coming out of everywhere, even among my Christian friends than the choices on the ballot. And it only seemed to get worse after the election.

    I’m glad you found a doctor you are comfortable with, I know that makes all the difference in the world. I’m joining the ranks of those praying for you. I’m sorry you have to look forward to this surgery, but I’m glad you opened up so we can help support you through prayer!


  11. Thanks for laying it all out there, not too much info at all! I have been struggling with medical gut issues in the last few/many weeks/months and its helpful to know what other people feel and how that can make me understand part of my stress and anxiety even it isn’t exactly the same it gives me words and ideas in how to convey that to my support system. Solidarity sister haha.


  12. Pingback: Doc Report | currentlykelli

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