Give a man a fish & he'll be like "gifts are not my love language" teach a man to fish and he'll be all "Quality time, yes. How did u know?"
— Abam Droud (@AdamBroud) June 5, 2016
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) April 30, 2014
You can tell me this is a bird flying all you want I still think it's a rabbit on skis in the middle of a long jump pic.twitter.com/XS8pbnhOnu
— Ash Warner (@AlsBoy) July 7, 2016
It doesn't matter who you are, or what your political views are, I think we can all agree that it's a very embarrassing time to be alive
— elan gale (@theyearofelan) January 11, 2017
when someone i admire gives me a genuine compliment pic.twitter.com/fi1iaGshBW
— sara david (@SaraQDavid) January 11, 2017
Looks like Mario is going to have an Adventure in Odyssey!
— Josh Taylor (@dearfuturejosh) January 13, 2017
i changed my own windshield wipers and ate two oatmeal cream pies for lunch because im an adult and can do what i want
— Pat Kiloran (@patkiloran) January 13, 2017
Most people think the tomato is a vegetable, but it is actually a fruit that spent time abroad and came back with a fake veggie accent.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) January 14, 2017
Sometimes when I'm out with friends I also can't wait to get home and crawl inside the dishwasher
— Mave (@MavenofHonor) January 15, 2017
It is hard to tell online, but in reality I am 100 feet tall.
— Jess (@jessokfine) January 15, 2017
this is a Golden yellow Cryptocrystalline Fluorite surrounded by Quartz crystal points, or what I like to call rock egg pic.twitter.com/8vSve4GfWd
— Amber 🌸 (@amberdiscko) January 16, 2017
can we please start calling high fives multiplayer clapping?
— Grace Teraberry (@grace_teraberry) January 16, 2017