Tweets of the Week

My Favorite Tweets This Week

Give a man a fish & he'll be like "gifts are not my love language" teach a man to fish and he'll be all "Quality time, yes. How did u know?" — Abam Droud (@AdamBroud) June 5, 2016 Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant —…

Tweets of the Week

My Favorite Tweets This Week

Sure glad this is just written in my comment section…and not the book of life. pic.twitter.com/U8s7CEEno0 — Kevin McCreary (@goodnightkev) December 20, 2016 Me on food network: "I made a puréed nut spread w/ a grape relish reduction paired w/ brioche bun" pic.twitter.com/rZFDjISYoL — Akilah Releford (@Akiladahun1) August 11, 2016 i hate when people ask…

Tweets of the Week

My Favorite Tweets This Week

Remember when you were younger & got excited about toys? Now you're older & get excited about parking spaces you don't have to back out of. — The Fantastic Mr.Fox (@Camel_Crushin) December 28, 2016 I was brushing my teeth when the clock struck midnight. So @keenertaylor New Year's kiss was slightly delayed but minty fresh.…

Tweets of the Week

My Favorite Tweets This Week

[showing our new baby]WIFE: He has my eyesME: And my noseGIMLI: AND MY AXE!ME (to wife): Honey I thought we agreed, family only — Chimney Spotter (@chimneyspotter) July 5, 2016 Canadian: spell colourAmerican: no u spell colorCanadian: uAmerican: no u — Fro Vo (@fro_vo) February 15, 2016 [court]LAWYER: Did u kill him?ME: NoL: You know…

Tweets of the Week

My Favorite Tweets This Week

I was going to be productive today but then I realized that's not who I really am as a person. — SardonicTart (@SardonicTart) October 2, 2016 My wife's Office christmas party is tomorrow. I’m going as Pam — dan mentos (@DanMentos) December 18, 2014 I enjoy weather to a certain degree — Steven W Skinner…

Tweets of the Week

My Favorite Tweets This Week

  [mocking jay part 2] jay: come on guys please stop — xmas pigeon (@decentbirthday) November 26, 2015 As a nation we need to face the reality that none of our actors are talented enough to pretend their empty paper coffee cups are full. — MKP📖 (@MKPinNYC) September 29, 2016 being a satanist is like…